When I saw the title of Rick Hanson’s blog post Cling Less, Love More, Steve’s and my origin story popped into my head. I think it will be obvious why as you read a bit further.
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How many times have you said, “They don’t respect my boundaries!” Of course, we can (and I encourage you to) ask others to respect our wishes and requests. Yet, sometimes (or often) they don’t. This is why I prefer another word.
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Love. Such a wonderful word. I’m guessing you —like most of us wants the experience of love in your life and in your relationships. How do you love someone? By doing other things.
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When you come across a situation that is difficult, rather than focus your attention on that difficulty, ask yourself the question, “What can I do?”. You might be amazed at how this one shift will impact the quality of your relationships.
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For those of you who deeply want to change the way you communicate with others. For those of you who truly want to transform your relationships, for those of you who want to be responsible for your responses to the world, please consider never letting this phrase slip through your lips into the airwaves again. Even better, delete it from your thinking.
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Sometimes talking an issue through is just not the way to connection. Have you ever talked about something for hours and hours, or days, even weeks? Just creating more and more tension. And sometimes it’s just the best. Here’s what happened between me and Steve this past weekend.
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I don’t have a chart where I actually keep track, and I would easily guess that this is the question that I am asked most often. What if my partner, friend, mom, person out there in the world, doesn’t learn this NVC. My answer consistently is: It doesn’t matter.
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Do you like to vent? Think it's helpful to just say what you need to? Maybe its helpful. I think not. Read further to tweak your venting so it will be productive. Not just yelling. I call it listing to the Hit Parade.
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Top athletes only want to win a competition when it is fair. They don’t want to cheat. It is less fun to win if the other person is injured, or hampered in some way. They all want to thrive and shine and win only when they are on level playing field. Are you interested in and able to creating relationships that are played out on a level playing field—or do you prefer to get your way no matter what?
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