When couples are challenged in their relationships and ask for help in finding ways to understand each other better, my coaching will be, “slow it down”. I will generally begin with asking three questions.
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There was big drama in the US Open Tennis Championship just a few weeks ago. The number one player in the world forfeited and was ousted from a match. He was out of a tournament he was destined to win. One that was important to him.
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Whenever we buy something we consider the cost. Maybe you don’t have to actually ask because you can see a price tag, or you already know the cost if it is something you buy often. Yet it remains something you track on when making a purchase.
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A friend of mine recently was using the space downstairs. We met to set up the music situation and he said to me, I don’t want to put my computer on your altar. I understood what he meant, we put the computer (which connected to the speakers) on the bottom shelf and everything worked perfectly. At the time I realized that I had a different perspective.
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Like many others during the past few months when we have been inside and mostly solitary, I took the opportunity to evaluate my life and the choices I have made. What I came to was I loved my life.
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I recorded a podcast with Kate Jaramillo who coaches a variety health practitioners in having wildly successful practices. She asked me to talk about communication around hiring and firing. I made a few notes so here they are. Well…I added a few things.
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Can something or someone be too much? Or not enough, for that matter? Well, yes. And no.
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I have been in deep reflection these past few months. Maybe you have been as well? I tend to like to be home alone, so a good deal of my time spent in quarantine felt rejuvenating and enlivening. On social media or watching mainstream media, the energetics I was met with were often astonishing. Panic, confusion, uncertainty, despair, anger and polarity was often too much to bear. Friends were arguing with each other, people shaming each other for their beliefs —a lot. Leadership that didn’t occur to me as what I understand leadership to be. Just people saying stuff that is inflammatory and contradictory and offering opinions as facts. Facts that shifted and changed hourly, weekly, from the end of one day to the beginning of the next. And it seems like many of us have gone into a free-fall.
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That’s correct. It isn’t. No matter what the topic. When people are talking about institutional and systemic inequity and racism and are asking you to reflect on your own privilege, you might hear blame. You might not like how you feeling hearing the word, especially how it relates to you, and resist. After all, you are progressive and want —possibly even have worked for civil rights. Having this conversation in the context of blame will be super challenging. Because it isn’t your fault. Yet you have contributed to the issue.
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