Like many others during the past few months when we have been inside and mostly solitary, I took the opportunity to evaluate my life and the choices I have made. What I came to was I loved my life.
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I recorded a podcast with Kate Jaramillo who coaches a variety health practitioners in having wildly successful practices. She asked me to talk about communication around hiring and firing. I made a few notes so here they are. Well…I added a few things.
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Can something or someone be too much? Or not enough, for that matter? Well, yes. And no.
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I have been in deep reflection these past few months. Maybe you have been as well? I tend to like to be home alone, so a good deal of my time spent in quarantine felt rejuvenating and enlivening. On social media or watching mainstream media, the energetics I was met with were often astonishing. Panic, confusion, uncertainty, despair, anger and polarity was often too much to bear. Friends were arguing with each other, people shaming each other for their beliefs —a lot. Leadership that didn’t occur to me as what I understand leadership to be. Just people saying stuff that is inflammatory and contradictory and offering opinions as facts. Facts that shifted and changed hourly, weekly, from the end of one day to the beginning of the next. And it seems like many of us have gone into a free-fall.
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That’s correct. It isn’t. No matter what the topic. When people are talking about institutional and systemic inequity and racism and are asking you to reflect on your own privilege, you might hear blame. You might not like how you feeling hearing the word, especially how it relates to you, and resist. After all, you are progressive and want —possibly even have worked for civil rights. Having this conversation in the context of blame will be super challenging. Because it isn’t your fault. Yet you have contributed to the issue.
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It seems like the confluence of events in America and the world in 2020 culminating with watching the murder of a You care deeply want to say something yet, are stuck for a single thing to say, possibly because you think it won’t help, it won’t be enough, you have no right to say anything, or you will make someone angry. You do not have to say anything in order to be engaged in what’s happening.
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During these times where we have almost nowhere to go, some people I check in with are finding that they don’t have anything to say. Doing the same things over and over, some without work, some with work, yet a sense of restlessness, boredom, malaise is setting in. People are losing enthusiasm. Friends and neighbors and clients are sharing that even if they have work, they don’t seem to want to do it. Getting dressed into something they haven’t slept in seems like a bit too much energy to expend since..well, why bother?
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Your children are instantly navigating a new experience. Depending upon their age they don’t have the capacity to understand what’s happening in the same ways you do. For better and for worse. They don’t have the brain development to make meaning of what they are seeing and hearing. They exist more deeply on the feeling level. Not only are they trying to make meaning of the change in their lives, they are deeply impacted by you, the parents, their caregivers. In more ways that you might be thinking about. They are tracking on your every move.
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There are a few things I have become aware over many years of teaching and learning NVC and how to relate effectively with other people. One is that we want a script. I think it is one of the appealing things in this work. There is a structure.
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