I Don't Think...

I don’t think it’s going to work out.
I don’t think you should do….
I don’t think it’s such a bad idea.  Why don’t you try it?

How often do you begin a sentence declaring what you don’t think?  Do you even notice if you say this?

I’m not sure how, or even precisely when it began, and I have shifted my thinking, my speaking and my writing to reflect what I do think.  

I began to notice that I felt a bit off when starting a sentence with I don’t think.  I am thinking all the time. The list is long.  The list of what I am not thinking about is even longer in any given moment —college football, college basketball (unless Steve is talking about it) what time it is in Lyon, France, who names the items at Ikea, what its like to live in Nebraska, to name a few.  So why would I speak about what I don’t think? Wouldn’t it be more impactful to just let folks know what I do think?  

Just today I was in a text message conversation with someone who wrote, “I don’t think we have enough time to complete the project.” I noticed it, and wondered a few things.  1.  Is this even ‘proper’ English.  2.  If you don’t think that, then what do you think?  3.  I also notice a subtle discomfort, possibly insecurity.  I would have felt much more confidence in what she was saying if she wrote, “I think we don’t have enough time to complete project.”

I am not a linguist, nor do I have command of my native language, which is English.  I hope if someone out there has this knowledge, they will answer this question.  Do these two sentences have the same meaning?

1.  I don’t think that is such a good idea for our company’s long-term goals.
2.  I think what you suggest might not be the best idea for our company’s long-term goals.

As I consider why we speak in this way, once again I am brought to the idea of revealing ourselves.  Or rather how we aren’t quite willing to fully show up and be present for what comes back when we share our truth.

Just as people find it challenging to share how they feel —more often sharing examples of how they feel (I feel like I was run over by a truck), this seems similar.   Is this another way that we hide, so-to-speak?  At very least, in language.  Another subtle way of not-quite-showing-up fully and saying this is who I am and what I think.  

As you find yourself longing for true connection and authentic relationships perhaps a subtle shift in your language is essential for creating these experiences.

I am not suggesting that you tell everyone you know in every moment exactly how you feel, or what you think.  I am encouraging that you do or don’t with full intention.  Choosing to reveal or not, based on what needs are alive in the moment.  Rather than not even knowing that you aren’t showing up, and wondering why people just don’t get you.

Try it out for a week or so.  Take a moment to notice what you are (and aren’t) saying.  Are you holding back?  If you are, can you identify why you are?  Is this what you were intending (now that you think about it)?

If you choose to say ‘I think’, rather than ‘I don’t think’, take a moment and notice if it makes a difference for you.  It has for me.  At very least it is a mindfulness practice.  Even more important, this mindfulness practice can support you in creating the loving relationships you dream of.